Ephraim is always asking to make things in the kitchen. I had been sitting on this eclair recipe for a few days hoping that I would have enough energy one afternoon to try them. He saw the page open on my computer and asked to help. Sometimes the extra energy I need is just someone else being enthusiastic about a recipe.
Aurick Virgil turned eleven months on the 7th of September.
That was almost two months ago–I am dreadfully behind, but rather than trying to skip this, I want there to be some kind of record. At the time Aurick turned seven months, I was beginning to be sick with Eighth Kransling. And I kept putting the update off and off and off, until here I am, trying to catch up when he’s turning thirteen months tomorrow.
Our first sonogram is tomorrow. I am a little anxious, as always. My sickness took a serious turn towards “most unpleasant” two days ago, and I’m wondering if I’m actually beginning week 10 instead of 9, since week 10 has been, in the past, the week where everything seemed to just get much worse. Since I was a whole week off with Aurick (even though I had a period to go off of that time) I’m wondering if I am this time, too. Tomorrow should give us a clue. I am looking forward to having a due date to base some things off of (namely the fact that I won’t make it to the due date. I know, it’s silly.)
One note on the lack of a period for the basing of calculations: I see this as nothing but the grace of God. Since the beginning of the year I have struggled with a never-before felt sense of futility and anxiety towards having more children. This was distressing and alarming, since it goes against deeply held beliefs on my part about the wisdom of God and the wisdom of men, the value of people, the foolishness of a life based on safety and mere happiness, etc. At the same time I felt this onslaught of doubt, I also experienced an onslaught of rebuttals against the thought that having children in this world is unwise and selfish. These came in many forms, from personal sources and impersonal sources. Sometimes I was tempted to ask the person, “Did God tell you to send me this?”
I have felt some trepidation at the choice coming towards me–once my cycle began again and we had the opportunity to knowingly avoid pregnancy. As it turns out, for the very first time in my life (ten pregnancies) I have conceived before even having a postpartum period. In other words, I didn’t have a chance to make the choice because I didn’t know I had the choice to make yet. Thus, this pregnancy is the biggest surprise of any I’ve had so far. I have no opportunity to be anxious over making the wrong decision because I didn’t even know the decision was possible yet. I am very thankful for that fact. It has saved me a lot of worry.
Our first sonogram went fine. I saw one little baby with a strong, high heartbeat. I learned I was correct in my guess of a May 1st due date–this means I have been right on track with my measurements of gestation. Since I had very little to go on, I will consider this a bit of redemption for the fact that I was off by a whole week with Aurick. This also means that I experienced my symptoms beginning on the early side, rather than the late side, which could be a pattern for my girls. I am trying not to put too much stock in that, just for the sake of planning, but I will also say I will be surprised if this baby turns out to be another boy. Not disappointed at all, only surprised.
One funny note–at my appointment one of the nurses told me that when the doctor learned I was coming in, he said something along the lines of “Oh good, she’s an expert.” Ha!
My nausea and fatigue became very difficult to handle in week nine, and that extended into weeks ten and eleven. I spent all extra time I could in bed. These weeks were, hands down, the toughest part of the first trimester.
This week was something of a fog, along with week ten. I was mostly in bed, though I did have one or two good days. I found it very difficult to focus on anything, so I wasn’t even able to really do any reading or anything. I just felt sick and exhausted. Occasionally I’d venture out to get something to eat. (Chicken sandwiches consistently work really well for me during the first trimester.)
Finally, a bit of light broke through. The occasional good days became more frequent. I was able to get up and complete some projects around the house, including tackling the MONSTROUS pile of laundry that had been growing throughout my period of sickness. I would still have a couple of good days followed by a couple of bad ones, but everything was just so much better. I still had some problems with my heart racing and being out of breath, even though the fatigue and nausea was easing up.
This morning I heard Beatrice walking around singing her own version of the song Aiken Drum:
An’ he played upon da ladle,
da ladle, da ladle,
An’ he played upon da ladle,
An’ he had da stinky bum.
It’s Thursday afternoon, close enough to lunch that everyone’s done eating but not so far from it that we’re done cleaning up. I am sitting next to the bathtub on a tiny chair; Aurick is in the tub–alone, which is a luxury in this house–he is covered in his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He clearly enjoyed his lunch. He is also enjoying the bath.
Mama: You don’t have to worry about making bad scrambled eggs, Ephraim. Lots of times we make bad food. I’ve made bad food lots of times!
Anselm: You don’t make lots of bad food, Mama!
Clive: Don’t lie to her, Anselm.
One of the more miserable parts of the first trimester funk is knowing how badly you need to do things but not being able to do them.
Nine weeks was a bad week for me, and I spent most of it in bed. But ten weeks brought (as it typically does) a fresh wind of energy in the form of one good day (usually followed by four bad ones) and I used the opportunity to do what I’ve been thinking about doing that whole week I was stuck in bed.
I had become mildly obsessed with the idea of swapping the rugs in the living room and the girls’ room. The rug in the girls’ rug was actually bought for the basement and moved into their room a few months ago. The rug that was in the living room was actually bought for the room that Elvie and Eldore were sharing at the time. So I hoped to swap them mostly because I thought the (current) girls’ rug had more autumnal vibes. I don’t decorate for seasons very much, but I did like the idea of having a rug with a fallish feel to it for a little while.
I also very, very badly needed to clean the girls’ room, which had what seemed like a permanent layer of toys and clothes on the floor that had been there since my morning sickness started in earnest four weeks ago. For some reason, “swap the rugs” felt more exciting than “clean the floor.”
As ever, trying to be more proactive in documenting the progression of pregnancy symptoms.
[Read more…]For Aurick Virgil, nicknamed Rikki-Tikki, who has developed a habit of shrieking at mealtimes until someone puts food on his tray.
(To the tune of “Just You Wait, Henry Higgins“)
Just you wait, Rikki-Tikki
Just you wait!
You are hungry,
But your breakfast won’t be late!
You’ll have plenty for your belly,
You’ll have eggs and toast and jelly,
Just you wait, Rikki-Tikki, just you wait!
Just you wait, Rikki-Tikki, ’til we pray,
Then we’ll give you something yummy right away.
We aren’t trying to ignore you,
We have lots of goodies for you,
Just you wait, Rikki-Tikki, just you wait!
